[REVIEW] John Wick: Chapter 2 or "Let's kill everybody!"

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Shhhh, shhhh... you're dead now.

Picking up shortly after the end of the first film, John Wick: Chapter 2 starts with the aforementioned assassin arriving at a chop shop to get his stolen car back. The shop is owned by Abram Tarasov, brother of the first film’s crime-lord antagonist, Viggo Tarasov. Abram is played by Swedish character-actor, Peter Stormare (or as you know him, nihilist/pornstar Karl Hungus in The Big Lebowski). Wick stealthily executes his way through the chop shop until he finds his car, at which time he proceeds to murder EVERYONE. He kills people with his hands, knives, guns, cars, whatever. The producers wanted you to know that John Wick is an unkillable beast. He is run over like 5 times in the opening scene, and still manages to beat 12 dudes to death. The only person who survives the massacre is Tarasov, because I guess killing 37 dudes in pursuit of your stolen car is justified, but 38 is ridiculous. Wick drives off, ready to enjoy retirement hanging out with his dog and looking at pictures of his dead wife (too soon?).

Wick’s retirement proves to be short-lived, as crime lord Santino D’Antonio (aka Italian Joffrey Baratheon) arrives to cash in a “marker”, or blood oath, that Wick gave to him. Wick apparently took the blood oath in order to leave the criminal world and marry his late wife. Wick is forced to accept the mission from Santino (because assassins have rules, I guess), who wants Wick to kill his sister, Gianna. After the D’Antonio’s father died, he bequeathed their seat at the criminal-version of the United Nation to Gianna, and turned Santino into a jealous little bitch. Wick now has to track down Gianna in Rome and kill her.

At this point, we are only 20-25 minutes into the movie, and THIS IS THE SLOW PART. The next hour and a half is chocked-full of fist fights, knife fights, gun fights, one-liners and EDM, which is all we ever wanted from this movie. Common plays Gianna’s loyal (but apparently not so great at his job) bodyguard. The one-on-one fight scenes between Reeves and Common are spectacular. I could watch them try to nonchalantly shoot at each other in a subway for hours. That was so damn funny.

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I also want to give props to Ruby Rose as Ares, Santino’s mute assassin/bodyguard, who is a total bad ass. Despite the lack of dialogue, her snarky exchanges via sign language with Reeves were some of my favorite in the film.

Shit really hits the fan when Santino (::kind of spoiler?::) betrays Wick by putting a $7 million bounty on his head. If you thought the body count was high when Wick was trying to get his car, imagine what it’s like when all of New York City’s assassins are after him.

As a bonus, we get a Matrix reunion between Keanu Reeves and Laurence Fishburne, who plays a… hobo crime lord? Look, don’t over think things, okay? Though, there was a missed opportunity for Fishburne to refer to Reeves as “The One.” Maybe in John Wick: Chapter 3? A girl can dream!

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Final verdict: John Wick: Chapter 2 is an over-the-top rollercoaster ride that encapsulates everything I loved about 80s action films: extreme violence and cheesy one-liners. All kidding aside, the fight choreography is incredible. I would put it up there with The Raid film series, which I think has, hands-down, the greatest fight scenes I’ve ever seen. There isn’t much in terms of dialogue, but who needs it? This movie is at its best when Reeves is mindlessly slaughtering nameless bad guys, only stopping for someone to say “You’re not very good at retiring” or “Somebody get this man a gun.”

Rating: 5 out of 5 dudes John Wick killed with a fucking pencil.

I also want to give props to Ruby Rose as Ares, Santino’s mute assassin/bodyguard, who is a total bad ass. Despite the lack of dialogue, her snarky exchanges via sign language with Reeves were some of my favorite in the film.